A New Day

O Muse!
Sing in me, and through me tell the story
Of that man skilled in all the ways of contending...
A wanderer, harried for years on end...

A wise man once told me to let go of the past. That when I talk to my friends or loved ones the past can only be a wall that cannot be scaled. How simple it sounds. Even the Bible says to forgive and forget. I've thought I could forgive, but the forgetting part is a lot tougher. But then, have I truly forgiven? I feel pain inside. Anger. Hurt. Something that is festering and when I try to ignore it, it just opens the wound and it gets infected with more pain and anger and hurt.

O Muse!
Sing in me, and through me tell the story
Of that man skilled in all the ways of contending...
A wanderer, harried for years on end...

What right do I have to be the victim? Maybe in reality I have made that "wanderer" the victim. Maybe I'm the bad guy. Maybe I'm the perpetrator. I am guilty. I have expected so much from so many, that I have become like my father in many ways. He expected perfection from his family and we always disappointed him. Am I doing that to those closest to me? Everyone else who knew my father loved him. He didn't expect anything from them. We were his Achilles heel. We made him imperfect. He could never understand us or just love us for who we were, because we were him.

O Muse!
Sing in me, and through me tell the story
Of that man skilled in all the ways of contending...
A wanderer, harried for years on end...

I laughed today. I let go of the heaviness and let myself appreciate all I have. Maybe someday, the ones I love will understand. Maybe someday I will just let myself forget it all. Maybe someday my love will be pure. But today, I am just a human being stuck in this body with this mind telling me that it's OK to be imperfect. It's OK if some don't understand. It's just all OK.